


Saturday

by SilverMidnight



Category: Psych
Genre: Angst, Cheating, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Sex, affair
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-26
Updated: 2016-10-29
Packaged: 2018-07-18 10:05:46
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 7
Words: 22,701
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7310632
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SilverMidnight/pseuds/SilverMidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the stupidest yet most wonderful mistake either man ever made. It just wasn't easy to traverse their building relationship.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> So I finally got around to writing this little piece of awesome! It took me awhile to write up, but I think you'll love it!
> 
> Warnings: Lots of sex between two men. Affair. Cheating. If you see something else that you want a warning for just tell me and I'll add it!
> 
> Special thanks to kendra42 (from fanfiction) for reading over this and correcting all of my mistakes!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories I'm going to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

A headache pounded louder than a fifteen-piece orchestra in Head Detective Carlton Lassiter's mind. Saying today was long would be an understatement, but thinking of a different word made the pounding all the worse.

Blue eyes looked at the clock once more only to let out a sigh of relief seeing that he could officially leave. Something that he normally wouldn't do. Going home on time didn't even happen when he was married.

Carlton prided himself on being at the precinct early and staying late. It wasn't as if he had anything to do in his personal life. His working life was all he had and he wasn't going to lose it anytime soon.

Standing up slowly the detective found himself holding onto his desk while the world spun. His stomach clenched angrily for a moment. He was afraid that he would spill his lunch if he moved anymore.

It was then that he remembered that he hadn't actually eaten today. He had wrapped up a case and between that and the paperwork eating had just fallen the side as unimportant. It always did.

Carlton had always wanted to be a cop. All his life had been working towards this goal and now he had it. Shouldn't it be as sweet as he had always thought it would be? Shouldn't it be everything he dreamed of?

It seemed so bittersweet now that he looked back. He didn't regret it. Being Head Detective was amazing and he wouldn't change it for the world. Maybe not making it his enitre focus would have been a good thing though.

Looking back he saw how much he lost or just completely ignored. This was the life that he chose though. One that he was probably going to live alone. Completely and utterly alone.

"Detective Lassiter?" a voice questioned behind him, "Are you alright? You look a little sick."

Turning to the voice Carlton saw the fresh faced Officer Buzz McNabb. He could remember when he was that green. Somehow he had changed so much that no one could believe he was like McNabb.

That was a lie. The other members of the force thought he was a robot incapable of feeling emotions. Maybe they were right. Maybe it would be better if he just completely ignored his emotions.

"Okay," McNabb spoke slowly, "Maybe you should go home, Detective."

"I'm perfectly capable of taking care of myself, McNabb," Carlton growled out though he made no movement.

"I'm not saying that. I'm saying I haven't seen you eat or even take a break since I came in. And you were here before me. Also, you look pale."

"I am pale."

"More pale than normal. If you won't go home at least let me take you to grab some food. You have to admit it would be a bit dangerous for you to drive like this and I'll even pay! Please?"

Carlton opened his mouth to argue only to freeze when he looked at McNabb. The young officer looked so hopeful and as much as he wanted to tell him where to shove his idea it just wasn't in him.

With a sigh Carlton nodded his head and grabbed his coat. McNabb seemed to light up at that. Which was saying something since the younger man reminded me Carlton of the sun whenever he was around.

Carlton had no qualms telling himself that he thought the younger man attractive. Not just his physical aspects either. Though having that tall, built body to look at was not something he'd complain about.

The men moved slowly out of the precinct. McNabb moved to the cars only to have Carlton shake his head. He might be exhausted and starving, but no one was driving his car except for him.

McNabb simply shrugged and followed his boss towards a close restaurant. At least that's what he thought they were doing. After almost ten minutes of walking McNabb stopped and turning towards the older man.

"We aren't going to get food, are we?" McNabb questioned pulling Carlton from his thoughts.

"What?" Carlton asked looking around.

"We passed five places we could eat in the time we've been walking."

"Oh. I was heading home."

McNabb cocked his head to the side in confusion, but followed Carlton anyway. While he knew the older man could take care of himself he still looked like a gust of wind would knock him over.

The walk was silent to McNabb, but to Carlton voices were screaming in his head. Every flaw, every wrong turn, every fail on repeat growing louder and louder with every passing second making him want to lash out at something.

Taking the keys from his pocket he turned towards his front door only to drop them. With a curse he started to bend down to retrieve them only for another hand to swoop down and grab them before he could.

Following the tan limb up he came face to face with McNabb. He must be tired because he had completely forgotten the young officer had been following him. Which was saying something considering how large the man was.

McNabb offered the older man a grin before making his way to the door. Carlton stood frozen in shock before following the man. For the first time that night he found that he couldn't look away from the taller man.

When he got to the door he saw McNabb fumbling with the keys trying to find the one that unlocked the door. Reaching out Carlton placed his hand on McNabb's causing him to inhale sharply as his eyes widened.

Watching the Head Detective closely McNabb felt a flame spark in his stomach. He couldn't stop his tongue from darting out to run over his lips with his eyes raked over the lithe form in front of him.

Most people at the precinct would tell you how unemotional and hard the older man was, but not one would say he wasn't attractive. Plenty of people, both male and female, wanted to have him in their bed for at least one night.

McNabb was not immune to these charms either. In fact, that was why he spent most of his time with the Head Detective. He knew nothing would come of it, but there was no harm looking. At least he thought nothing would come of it.

Slowly the door swung open letting Carlton stop inside his house. Turning towards McNabb the older man opened his mouth to tell him to leave but stopped himself when he saw eyes roaming over his body.

Everything in him was saying to close the door and forget what he saw. He was too tired to be thinking straight right now. The real world and the fantasy world were meshing together and that was never good.

Still, the thoughts did nothing to spur him into movement. His stillness, on the other hand, was enough for McNabb. Who bent down to press a small kiss to his superiors lips. Barely a brush against each other but it was enough.

Reaching up Carlton threaded a hand in thick brown hair and pulled the younger man down. McNabb went willingly with the movement until he could press their lips together once more.

Pushing the older man into the house McNabb kicked the door closed behind them. The noise echoed through the small hallway causing Carlton to pull back as a shock ran through him.

"McNabb," Carlton whispered in confusion.

"Buzz," the young officer pleaded running a hand down the body in front of him, "Call me Buzz."

"No. We can't... You should..."

Not wanting to hear the older mans reasoning, no matter how valid they were, Buzz placed a hand on Carlton's neck and kissed him once more. For a moment he was stiff and unmoving, but slowly he fell into the younger man.

Moving them backwards until Carlton was pressed against the wall Buzz slowly untucked the mans shirt. Slipping a hand under the shirt a soft groan of approval came from the officer when he felt the other mans chest hair.

Strong hands pushed Buzz back causing him to break the kiss. He opened his mouth to argue when he noticed Carlton tugging off his clothes. Buzz stood transfixed as a jacket, holster, and shirt landed on the ground.

"I need to put this away," Carlton announced holding his gun up.

"Right," Buzz breathed crowding the man back into the wall, "Of course."

The younger mans hands seemed to have a mind of their own as they danced over the newly exposed chest. He felt more than heard the mans breath hitch when his finger tips skirted over his nipples.

Buzz was distracted for a second when he heard metal scratching against the surface of something. Looking to the side he saw the older man putting the gun on the side table before he hands went back to the taller mans body.

That sent a heady rush of power to Buzz's head. If there was one thing that the Head Detective was known for it was his guns. To have him put it aside because he was distracted was one of the hottest things he'd ever seen.

Needing to hear more Buzz took the nipple between his fingers and gently rolled it. Carlton's groan echoed through the hallway as he head hit the wall behind him exposed his pale throat to Buzz.

Never one to pass on an offering Buzz placed a gentle kiss to the neck before playfully biting it. Carlton's hops ground forward letting the taller man know exactly how affected he was by their kissing.

"I didn't think..." Buzz started started licking up to the other mans ear.

"What?" Carlton gasped out a hand moving to the back of Buzz's head to keep him against his neck.

"That you'd be so... _Submissive_."

The last word came out in a growl bringing a gasp from the Head Detective as his hip more firmly. Needing to feel more Buzz pressed his superior into the wall stopping his movements.

"Sometimes," Carlton spoke his hands trailing over the still clothed body, "Equal opportunist."

"Are you?" Buzz spoke letting his tongue trace the shell of the other mans ear.

"Might... Might have something to do with your uniform."

Buzz backed away enough to look down at himself. He had truthfully forgotten that he had been in uniform. Though if this was the result he'd find every reason to wear it. Not hard since it was everyday attire.

"You like the uniform?" Buzz smirked.

"I like you in the uniform," Carlton replied curling a hand in his shirt.

With a grin Buzz threaded a hand in surprisingly soft, black hair. Scratching the scalp gently the younger man he was surprised when Carlton took his hand and motioned further into the house.

Backing up to let Carlton pass him a devious smirk came to Buzz's lips as an idea popped in his mind. Moving forward the taller man wrapped his arms around the pale figure and pulled him back to him.

Bending down to nip at the lightly freckled shoulder Buzz ground his erection into the older man bringing the most beautiful breathy groans from his lips. Dark eyes slipped shut letting himself enjoy the older man.

"McNabb," Carlton groaned his head falling onto the taller man shoulder.

"No," Buzz growled spinning the older man around staring into the ice blue eyes, "Call me by my name. Please, call me Buzz. Please."

A strong, tan hand slipped into Carlton's pants and underwear gripping the hard length. Grasping the younger mans shoulders Carlton ground into the hand loving the feeling of his callous roughened hands.

Suddenly a hand grabbed Buzz's causing him to gasp. The hand pulled until the officer let go of Carlton's cock and slipped out of his pants. He swallowed heavily wondering if he did something wrong.

Without saying a word Carlton led them through the house. Biting his lip the younger man followed until they got to a closed door near the back. He thought he knew what the room was but nerves still raked through him.

Opening the door Carlton pulled Buzz in slamming the door behind them the taller man opened his mouth to question him when he got a look at the older man slowly removing the rest of his clothing.

"Buzz," Carlton practically growled running a hand over the clothed chest going down to cup the officers cock, "Fuck me."

Hearing the older man gravelly voice coupled with the hand on his crotch caused him to break. Gripping the older man Buzz crushed him against his body backing them up until they fell onto the bed.

Hands flew over Buzz's uniform pulling it off as the couple kissed. Thrusting against each other Carlton rolled them over so he was on top. Bending down the Head Detective kissed down the newly exposed chest.

His tongue traveled down the fit body traveling over the plains of his muscles. Groaning Buzz gripped Carlton's hair as he back arched off the bed. He never thought he'd be this good with his tongue.

Pulling him up Buzz drug the man into a kiss. Their tongues dancing together distracted the younger officer from noticing Carlton reach over and pull out a half used tube of lube and a handful of condoms.

Breaking the kiss Carlton took over of the condoms and rolled it over Buzz's erection. Moaning softly the younger man moved to lean on his elbows while his lips traced Carlton's neck drawing a sigh from him.

"Buzz," Carlton groaned squeezing the penis.

Flipping them over Buzz ground their erections together causing Carlton to throw his head back. Picking up the lube Buzz grabbed a pillow and put it under his hips rubbing his hands over the strong thighs.

"I love the way you say my name," Buzz growled digging his nails over the pale skin.

Carlton opened his mouth to respond only for a lube slicked finger circle his hole slowly. Gasping his eyes rolled back in his head as his body pushed back towards the fingers wanting more.

Pushing his finger inside the willing body Buzz let his eyes wonder. He couldn't say he had never dreamed of this, though the situation was reversed. He just never thought he'd actually get it.

"Not gonna break, "Carlton ground out, "Fuck me."

Pushing a second finger in Buzz tried not to think about other men that saw the older man like this. How many had been able to push their cocks inside the wonderful heat and fuck him raw.

Feeling jealously that he knew he shouldn't Buzz pushed a third finger in. Carlton continued to fill the room with gasps and moans as his hips rocked trying to get the fingers to move deeper.

Pulling the fingers out Buzz slicked his dick before lining it up the older mans hole. Before pushing in he let his eyes roam over the body spread out of him. How did he get so lucky?

With a deep groan Carlton wrapped his leg around the younger mans waist and pulled him closer. Feeling the warmth of the body below him encompass his cock Buzz pushed in until he could feel his balls rubbing against Carlton's ass.

Nails dug into Buzz's shoulders dragging down his arms leaving red lines. Something in the back of his head told him that leaving marks was a bad idea, but Carlton can't bring himself to care when the head of the cock rubbing against his prostate.

"Buzz," Carlton glared up at the younger man, "Come on. Fuck me."

Smirking the officer bent down to kiss and nip at Carlton's neck his hips slowly circling just to torture the man. The body below him shook as he tried to get the man to move or do anything.

Red marks littered across Carlton's neck bringing a proud smirk to Buzz's lips He always loved the ability to mark the person that he was with. It was one of his favorite things to do whenever he had sex.

The older man tried to move his hips to get the man to thrust into him. The feeling of desperation clawed at his insides. It was deliciously heady feeling that Carlton both loved and hated during sex.

"Buzz," Carlton gasped his eyes blown wide with lust, "Please."

"What?" Buzz whispered staring down at his superior.

"Please, fuck me, Buzz. Please."

Hearing the proud man plead had Buzz's heart pounding loudly. Leaning down he pressed a sweet, innocent kiss to Carlton's lips. A smile appeared on the older mans lips as he pulled back and placed his hands on either side of Carlton's head.

Slowly pulling out Buzz thrust in roughly Carlton threw his head back a long moan falling from his lips. Keeping the pace the younger man found himself staring down at his lover watching him closely.

"More," Carlton demanded, "Harder. Please. Need harder. Please."

Never one to deny his lover anything Buzz thrust harder, quicker. The small room was filled with the sound of skin slapping together and heavy breathing. It was a sound both men loved to hear.

The shorter mans hand traveled down Carlton's body wrapping around his cock. Not feeling as if he could last long the older man let the thrusts of Buzz's hips push his dick into his hand. It was blissful torture.

"Buzz," Carlton moaned gripping his arm with his free hand, "I'm...Fuck...Going to...Ahhh!"

"Yes," Buzz groaned thrusting all the harder the headboard hitting the wall over and over, "Come for me. Want... Need to see it. Come for me, Carlton."

Hearing the taller man say his name for the first time Carlton's spine stiffened as he spilled between them Buzz groaned feeling the willing body tighten around him as he fucked him through his orgasm.

Slowly the older man fell into the bed boneless. Soft whimpers came from his lips as Buzz continued to fuck him. He couldn't say he didn't enjoy the pain though. Especially knowing it was bringing pleasure to another.

Panting heavily Carlton ran a hand over the tan chest. Nails dug in periodically. Nipples were pinched bringing them to hard nubs before the hand tangled into the younger mans hair pulling him down.

"You feel so good, Buzz," Carlton spoke their lips brushing together, "Come on. Show me. Show me everything, Buzz."

The words were too much for the younger man. Burying his head in Carlton's neck Buzz shook through his orgasm. A strong hand scratched gently at the taller mans scalp as he came down from his high.

Pulling out of the relaxed body Buzz fell to the side. Reaching down Carlton wrapped a hand around the younger mans cock before slowly pulling off the condom and throwing it away. Once it was in the trash he picked up a pair of underwear and wiped them down.

After both of them were cleaned up he maneuvered them under the covers. His heart slowly getting back to normal as Buzz rested his head on his chest as he curled tightly into his side.

"Are you going to kick me out?" Buzz whispered keeping his eyes closed.

"I should," Carlton sighed staring at the young man, "There are so many reasons we shouldn't have done it."

"But..."

"There is no 'but', Buzz. You're married and I'm your superior."

"You're not kicking me out."

"Not yet. We..."

Leaning up Buzz pressed his lips to Carlton's shutting him up. Letting his eyes shut the older man let himself get lost. He'd have to end this soon enough. He could be selfish for a little longer.

"Tomorrow," Carlton said breaking the kiss.

"Okay," Buzz nodded cuddling further into him, "I'll..."

"Shh. Just... Go to sleep, Buzz."


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally got around to writing this little piece of awesome! It took me awhile to write up, but I think you'll love it!
> 
> Warnings: Lots of sex between two men. Affair. Cheating. If you see something else that you want a warning for just tell me and I'll add it!
> 
> Special thanks to kendra42 for reading over this and correcting all of my mistakes!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories I'm going to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

Why was it that Carlton couldn't have a day where his head didn't feel like it was going to split in two? Just one day without a headache was all he asked. It was getting more and more annoying as time when on.

Though this was more annoying than normal. The headache didn't come from not knowing what to do next on a case or having been forced to sit at his desk filling out paperwork or even being in meetings with the Chief all day. No, it had everything to do with Buzz McNabb.

It had been almost two months since their night together and the young officer had yet to give up the idea of being together. At least one last time. Truthfully, Carlton had no idea what the officer was thinking and he didn't want to know.

Okay, that was a lie. He very much wanted to know what was going on in his mind. The looks Buzz had been sending had the older man squirming in his chair every time he saw them. Which was happening more and more as the days passed.

Carlton had never noticed how often the two of them ended up together throughout the day. During cases or at the office they somehow always ended up near each other. It was slowly driving the Detective up a wall.

He wanted to feel that body on his once more. To be inside at least once. It was something he had been dreaming of ever since that night. Just one more night of weakness that he knew he couldn't let himself have.

While he knew Buzz didn't think of their night as a way to get ahead in his career that didn't mean that it wouldn't do some damage to both of them. Something he should have thought about before jumping into bed with the man.

He couldn't stop himself though. Buzz was the type of person that everyone was drawn to. Carlton was no exception to this which was something that he hated more and more everyday. He hated wanting something he could never have.

Though Buzz didn't seem to get that. How could someone that was happily married be so stupid? He had already cheated on his wife once and it seemed as if he had no qualms about doing it again. He never thought Buzz was that type of person.

"Detective," Buzz bound up to Carlton's desk a handful of files in his hands, "Do you need anything else from me?"

The words and actions seemed as innocent as normal, but the look in his eyes was anything but. His eyes were darkened with lust as his tongue darted out to wet his lips. Did the younger man have to be as much as he was? They were at work!

Buzz's hand moved to rest on the back of his chair the tips of his fingers brushing against Carlton's skin. A shiver ran up his spine at the feeling and for the second time the younger man caused the detective's carefully reined in control to snap.

Reaching back Carlton grabbed the younger man's hand and gripped it tightly. He could see the taller man flinch at the pressure. For the first time since their night together fear came into Buzz's eyes. It should have felt good to see the man look so unsure, but it did the opposite.

Carlton liked Buzz. He truly did and the idea of hurting him was not something he liked. Letting the hand go he ran a hand over his face and looked up at the man. A sad but hopeful smile came to Buzz's lips before turning and leave him alone.

It didn't matter though. They weren't a couple in any sense of the word. There was no reason for Carlton to feel like he was watching a lover walk away. Buzz... McNabb was just another random person. He meant nothing.

Why was this so much harder than it should be? Shaking his head Carlton ran a hand through his hair wanting nothing more than to bang his head against his desk and knock away the thoughts. He just wanted to have some peace and quiet. Why was that so hard to get?

Swallowing roughly Carlton started to sort through the files the younger man had brought. He had a job to do and he couldn't let anyone distract him. His job was just too important to let anything distract him. That's how people died and criminals ran free.

Blue eyes shut as the detective took some deep breaths. He could let himself get lost in his work. That was exactly what he had done in the past when he wanted to escape the world. That was exactly what he was going to do now.

Opening his eyes once more the man let himself forget the world around him. He didn't have any real connection to the world outside of his work anymore. Letting go of the world might not be the best thing for him but that's all he knew how to do.

It was best that way. People didn't really seem to like him on a good day. On a bad day... Needless to say most days were bad days. It was completely useless to think that things would change.

As he worked Carlton let his mind get completely lost. Before long the sun was setting and he had to turn on his desk lamp. There was still a few files to go through and almost everyone had left already as the night crew was slowly spilling in.

Stretching at his desk Carlton's back and neck popped causing him to sigh in relief. He knew that he should probably go home though he didn't truly want to. A well placed glare from the Chief had the man slowly packing up knowing he didn't want to hear her telling him off. Again.

Packing up the files Carlton decided he'd spend the rest of the night working on the case. At least until he was so tired that the second his head hit the pillow he was out like a light. That was how he ended up spending most of his nights anyway.

Before long the detective was pulling up to his house his eyes narrowing when he saw the figure standing by his front door. His hand twitching towards his gun as he climbed out of his car forgetting to grab the files as he moved.

"McNabb," Carlton growled when he saw that it was the younger man standing there.

He looked so relaxed though his hopeful eyes were darting around. Carlton knew exactly why Buzz...McNabb... was there and he wished that he would let go of whatever fantasy world that was going on in his head. It was never...Could never come to be.

How had he not realized that it had been a mistake? One that could destroy everything that the younger man was trying to build for himself. Carlton didn't want someone that had so much promise to end up like him.

That man had everything the detective had thought he would always have. He took his family, his wife, his friends for granted. In the end he ended up losing in all and he had learned that once he lost them he couldn't get them back. Ever.

If he let this thing with Buzz...Damn it. McNabb. If he let this thing with McNabb continue then he'd end up as alone and empty as Carlton. The older man couldn't let himself be the reason someone else ended up like him.

Still all of these reasons didn't stop Carlton from wanting him and as much as he hated it he knew if he had even one more taste he was never going to let the younger man go. He had to be stronger than these urges He had to.

Based on the way he was acting McNabb wanted the same thing. Carlton could see it now. The younger man waking up hard and wanting. Of gripping his cock tightly when he was in the shower. Of his name spilling from his lips when he finally climaxed.

None of that mattered. None of that could matter. Not when Carlton was McNabb's Superior. Not with that ring on McNabb's finger. Whatever happened that night had to stay there before either of them fell any deeper than they already had.

"Go home, McNabb," Carlton demanded brushing past the younger man to go inside. "There's nothing left for you here. There never was. Just leave me alone."

A hand shot out to wrap around Carlton's as it rested on the doorknob. Feeling the taller man move closer so the man,s warmth could soak into his body. Without thinking Carlton's body relaxed into the feeling before he spun and pushed the other man away.

He had to be strong and with that man pressed against him the last thing he could be was strong. He could barely bring himself to be smart. It was going to destroy him whether he refused the younger man or not. At least he could keep McNabb from falling with him.

"Go home," Carlton repeated opening his door trying to slide in before the officer could.

Instead of saying anything the officer slipped into Carlton's home before he could shut the door. Closing his eyes he counted to five hoping to steel his nerves. When the opened once more he closed the door and turned to the younger man only to be pushed into the closed door.

It felt as if all of the air had been knocked out of his lungs. The younger man was staring down at Carlton with so much heat and hope in his eyes as he took another step closer to the detective his hand coming up to brush against his clothed chest.

"McNabb," Carlton whispered shaking his head.

"Don't," the officer practically begged as he leaned down to place a gentle kiss on the corner of his mouth, "Please. Call me Buzz again. I love hearing you say my name."

"No. You... You need to leave."

The words were said harshly, but the stutter made it hard to believe them. The fact that Buzz didn't want to follow them made that all the easier. He just wanted to know that the older man was having a hard time too.

Buzz looked down at the icy blue eyes only to notice they weren't looking at him. Feeling much more confident that Carlton wanted this as much as he did he placed a hand on the back of his neck and pulled the older man until they were breathing each other in.

The men stood there in complete silence. Two hearts beating harder as each second passed. They were both close to snapping, but they were both holding back. Though they had different reasons for not wanting to push the other.

Buzz knew exactly what he was doing even if Carlton didn't think he did. There was just something that drew the young officer to the other man. As bad as it was he wanted the man more than he liked to admit even to himself.

He was happily married and loving his life. He loved his wife with all of his heart. At least he loved her with most of his heart and he was a one person type of guy. So why was it so different with Carlton?

Buzz had been watching the older man since he joined the force. At first it was just him wanting to be as good as the Head Detective. He was one of the best police men and he wanted to be as good as him.

As time went on though that changed. He kept an eye on the older man just watching him move. He was absolutely gorgeous. The way he'd bark out orders. That dark look he'd get in his eyes when he was at a crime scene. The satisfied smirk when he solved the case.

He loved watching the other man. Truthfully he was surprised that no one had called him out on it. Though he knew that there were other officers that were watching the older man just as closely as he was.

"What if I don't want to leave?" Buzz whispered.

"You should," Carlton responded still refusing to look up.

"You don't want me to leave."

"I should."

Placing a hand on the older man's chin Buzz directed his face up until they were staring into each others eyes. Sadness had filled Carlton's eyes and all the taller man wanted to do was erase it. Though he knew he was the reason it was there.

Swallowing roughly Buzz moved forward to press a gentle kiss to the other man's forehead. He could feel a shudder course through his body as his eyes instinctively slid shut. It was so soft and innocent. Almost like he was promising the world.

Carlton's heart stuttered in his chest. He had missed this. Someone holding onto him. Looking at him as if for just a moment he was the center of the world. Their faces being so close that their lips brushed together with every other word they spoke.

When the detective didn't pull away Buzz took that as permission to press their lips together once more. Beautiful icy blue eyes slipped shut as his hands came up to grip the officer's shoulders holding him close to him crushing their bodies together.

Moaning softly Buzz pushed the man into the door pressing a thigh between the shorter man's legs. Carlton threaded a hand in Buzz's hair directing it to the side so he could deepen the kiss as his other hand traveled down the bigger man's body.

Buzz untucked Carlton's shirt his fingers dancing over his stomach enjoying the quiver of the flesh. Breaking the kiss his lips traveled down the other mans neck nipping and licking at the pale skin loving the way he arched into him.

The older man's head fell backwards thumping into the wall and giving more room to Buzz. Biting gently at the man's Adam's apple he suddenly found himself pressed tightly against the door when Carlton reversed their position.

"Stop," Carlton ground out, "You need to leave. Now. Go home."

"I don't want to," Buzz shook his head.

"You need to. You have to forget what happened and move on with your life."

"I've tried. I tried to believe that everything was fine and that I could continue to be with my wife, but I can't stop thinking about you."

Seeing the passion in the younger man's eyes Carlton found himself pressing their lips together once more before pulling back again. He knew that he was giving the younger man mixed signals, but he truly didn't know what to do next.

He had always thought that he was a better person than this. Having an affair was not the type of thing he ever thought that he'd do. He still couldn't bring himself from wanting the man in front of him. In more ways than one.

Over the past year he had heard all of the silly little things he had done with his wife. The dates and presents. How they reacted when the other was sick or sad. How they'd spend time together and were planning a future.

He could remember when he and Victoria were like that and, for some reason, his mind didn't just create sexual fantasies with Buzz. It also supplied fantasies of them actually sharing a life... A future together.

It was wrong on so many levels and Carlton was smarter than this. Taking a step back the detective fixed his shirt hoping that if he could straighten his appearance out than maybe he could straighten him mind out. At least for a moment.

"You'll get passed it," Carlton offered trying to be firm.

"And if I don't want to?" Buzz crossed his arms staring at the older man, "I'm not as stupid as you think I am. I know what I'm doing."

"So you know how your wife will react if this comes to light? How many opportunities will be shut off from you if people think you had sex with me to move forward? This could destroy your career and you've barely started."

"What about you? You have yet to point out how this could affect you. Don't think I haven't noticed how you seem to care about me over you. You're not nearly as cold-hearted as you want everyone else to believe you are. You care."

"I'm not going to get further in my career. We both know that."

Carlton turned away and started to make his way further into his home hoping that ignoring what the man said would cause him to leave. He should have known better than to believe something like this would be easy.

Buzz followed the older man refusing to let the matter drop. He couldn't tell himself why he was acting the way he was, but he wasn't going to let it go. Not without having at least some idea of what the truth was.

There was just so much more to Carlton than he let on. Not that Buzz had ever believed he was as one-sided as he appeared. He just couldn't believe that no one had tried to get past the man's rough exterior. Couldn't they see him?

Everyone had warned him that the detective was hard and demanded perfection. He wanted the case solved as soon as it crossed his desk and so help you if you got in his way when he was hot on the trail of a suspect.

No one had told him that the man was protective and self-deprecating. He loved his job more than anything and was good at it. Even with how brash he was he was though he was always there to help the other detectives and officers.

Not that everyone saw it that way. They all thought that he was too much or they just listened to the other people around the office. It was easier than trying to get to know him since the stories were pretty scary.

Buzz never liked listening to rumors though so he tried to get to know the shorter man. It was a choice that he was happy about. He had learned so much and truthfully he was more than happy to think of the man as a mentor in all things police.

Now everything was changing and for the first time it seemed as if he was finally seeing the older man for what he was and the last thing he wanted was to be pushed away without knowing the man was going to be okay.

"I'm not going to let it go," Buzz said calmly, "Talk to me, Carlton."

"Don't call me that," Carlton glared spinning to face the officer, "I am your superior."

"Is that it? Are you just my superior officer?"

"It's all I can be and you know it."

"Tell me the truth. Tell me why you care more about my career than your own."

Carlton glared angrily at the younger man. He was torn between upset at the entire conversation and being proud that the man was becoming a good cop. He was going to be a wonderful detective when he finally came into his own.

Shaking his head the man brushed past Buzz and went into the kitchen. Taking a beer out of the fridge he offered one to the other man without thinking but he shook his head wanting nothing to cloud his mind for this conversation.

"I'm never going to get higher than Head Detective," Carlton sighed taking a gulp of beer, "Everyone knows it and I have maybe another twenty, thirty years before I'm done completely. If I don't end up dead or fired before then. This is it for me. You can still go forward. Move on with your career. With your life."

Buzz stared at the older man hearing the resignation in his words. He truly didn't think he'd go anywhere else. That all of his hardwork was ending here. He didn't see just how amazing and wonderful he was at his job and to the people around him.

Moving forward the younger man took the bottle out of Carlton's hand and placed it on the counter. Cupping his jaw he ran his thumb over his lower lip with a sad smile. He couldn't believe how the man didn't see how wonderful he was.

Leaning down Buzz brushed their lips together before hugging the man tightly. It was odd to be cradling Carlton against him, but even the strongest of men needed comfort sometimes. He was glad to be able to be that for the detective.

"That can't happen again," Carlton whispered not moving.

"I don't..." Buzz tried to start.

"I know you don't. I... I don't want it to either, but we can't do this to everyone else. It will end badly."

"Don't you ever think about yourself?"

"No."

Buzz chuckled softly pressing his lips to the other man's head. It felt so different holding Carlton over his wife. It felt better in a way though. Like the man was supposed to be with him and he liked that idea.

"We could..." Buzz started.

"Do you keep forgetting that you're married?" Carlton questioned with a sigh.

"No, I haven't forgotten."

Carlton stared at Buzz in shock. There was no way that the younger man was saying what he thought he was. Buzz was not that type of person. Unless... Had he really read the young officer that wrong?

"I'm not suggesting we have sex," Buzz continued with a shrug and a half smile, "At least not at first."

Shaking his head Carlton pushed the other man away and moved towards the living room once more. He couldn't believe the words he was hearing. He couldn't believe how much he wanted to ignore his gut and do exactly what he wanted for the first time in a long while.

"Do you know what you're saying?" Carlton demanded hearing the younger man walk into the room, "Having sex with someone else is one thing. Some people can even forgive that. Having a relationship with someone else when you're married? That is a whole other story. You can never come back from that."

Hearing the shuffling of Buzz's clothes Carlton turned to stare at him. He was hoping that the man was finally understanding just how badly this could turn out for him. Would doing this anymore than they already had would change him?

Instead he saw a calmness that unsettled the older man. Had Buzz really thought this through to the point that he was convinced this was a good idea? Or was it possible... Was it possible that Buzz actually wanted the older man too?

"Don't," Carlton shook his head.

"Do you really want to stop or are you just trying to protect me from everything you can think of?" Buzz questioned quietly.

"They're valid points and you know it."

"I know they are. They're points that I've come up with myself. They're also ones that I'm ready to ignore."

"Ignore them? You're willing to ignore your wife just like that?"

"I love my wife."

"Then leave!"

Carlton's yell startled both men. He had turned to keep calm throughout the entire thing, but he couldn't stop himself. He was trying to save Buzz from himself and the younger man was ignoring if as if it was absolutely nothing to him.

"I've tried to forget you," Buzz whispered crossing his arms, "I've tried."

"Try harder," Carlton offered with a glare.

"You know it's not that easy."

"You have to make it that easy. You have your whole life ahead of you."

Turning around Buzz ran a hand through his hair tugging on it as he tried to calm his racing mind. He had hoped that this conversation would end in a much more pleasant way. He should have known the older man was too good.

"This wasn't what I expected, "Buzz turned back to the detective, "This wasn't what I thought my life would be like."

"No one's life turns out the way they planned when they were younger," Carlton replied calmly.

"I don't...I want this."

"You already made your choice."

"But what if..."

"And I'm making mine. Go home to your wife, Buzz. Forget this ever happened. Find happiness with her. It's the best thing for both of us."

Buzz shook his head not wanting to listen to the words. He wanted to be able to have the knowledge that this was what the other man wanted as well. He wanted... Truthfully, he just wanted to have Carlton with him in some way more than a boss.

He opened his mouth trying to argue with the man, but he knew that it was useless. Once there was an idea in Carlton's mind then there was very little anyone could do to change it. He was not a very flexible man in the best of situations.

"Tell me you understand," Carlton half demanded taking a step forward, "Tell me you know why this is the way it must be."

"I don't like this," Buzz licked his lips.

"Do you understand?"

"Yes. Okay? I understand. I just don't like it. Do you understand that?"

Carlton glared at the younger man when he heard the cold edge in his voice. He hated saying the words as much as Buzz hated hearing them, but it had to be done. That was the only thing that he could hold onto right then.

"Welcome to adulthood," Carlton snarled motioning towards the door.

"Adulthood?" Buzz questioned sarcasm dripping from his voice, "So, does that mean I can make my own decisions?"

A low growl slipped from Carlton's throat. He couldn't understand why the man was being so difficult. He really had thought that the man was smarter than this. It seemed that he was wrong about Buzz in more ways than one.

"I thought you were smart," Carlton shook his head, "I hate being proven wrong."

The younger man glared angrily at the man. He hated people telling him he was stupid. Just because he was a little dopey sometimes didn't mean that he was stupid by any means. He had to make people understand that. Had to make Carlton understand.

Feeling anger pool in his belly he moved towards the older man watching him closely. The man's eyebrows furrowed in confusion at the movement like he was expecting Buzz to turn and leave the house at the insult.

Moving so they were toe to toe Buzz stared down at the older man waiting for him to say or do something. Instead he was met with unwavering icy blue eyes glaring at him. He always had forgotten just how cold and stony the man could look when he needed to.

That's when he noticed those eyes flicker from his eyes to his mouth. That was all he needed before he was reaching out to crash the man to him once more. Their lips met in a fury of emotion that both men had been trying to hold back.

Hands tore at clothes sheading Carlton's shirt onto the floor letting his fingers dance over the pale flesh. A soft hum left the older man's lips as he gently pushed the taller man back. It was as if everything was right for just a moment.

Then Carlton pushed Buzz backwards breaking them apart completely. The officer let his eyes roam over the man in front of him his tongue darting out at the sight. Carlton was one of the most beautiful people that he had ever seen.

His chest heaving as he stood there half dressed. His hard cock bulging in his pants making Buzz's mouth water at the thought of tasting him. He had been dreaming of getting a chance like this once more ever since their night together.

Then he saw it. Carlton hadn't pushed him into his bedroom. He had pushed him so he was standing outside the man's front door. The man stared at him with regret and sadness before he shook his head to knock whatever doubt he was having.

"Carlton?" Buzz questioned his eyes wide.

"This will end now," Carlton spoke firmly.

"Neither of us want..."

"What we want doesn't matter."

Carlton slammed the door with a loud bang not wanting to deal with anymore of the conversation. He wanted so badly to give in to the younger man, but he couldn't. Buzz deserved more than he could give him.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally got around to writing this little piece of awesome! It took me awhile to write up, but I think you'll love it!
> 
> Warnings: Lots of sex between two men. Affair. Cheating. If you see something else that you want a warning for just tell me and I'll add it!
> 
> Special thanks to kendra42 for reading over this and correcting all of my mistakes!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories I'm going to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

Carlton downed his fifth glass of whiskey that night waving the bartender over once more. The man had already taken away the Detective's keys and it looked like he was going to cut him off soon. Something Carlton was not looking forward to.

He was much too sober to be cut off. At least that's what the thoughts that were buzzing around in his head were screaming. Carlton flinched as he once again heard a man's laughter. Why did he have to choose a bar that was packed to get drunk in?

All he wanted to do was forget what could be the worst case of his career. Instead he was being reminded of the little comfort that he had given up long ago. How he wished that he had stopped Victoria from divorcing him.

Carlton knew that it was hard for people to change. He himself hated change with such a passion many mistook it for a phobia. Maybe they were right to do so. At times like this though he wanted nothing more than to change who he was for someone.

There were times when he felt so alone. Almost as if he was completely invisible in the world. Of course this was ridiculous. He had done this to himself and he was going to live with whatever consequences that came with pushing everyone away for his job.

"Oh stop it!" a woman laughed loudly behind him causing him to tense, "You're so adorable!"

Moving the glass out of his way Carlton dropped his head onto the bar and grit his teeth. He couldn't yell at a person because they were happy while he was miserable. No matter how much he wanted to make the woman cry.

The thought itself had him hitting his head and reaching for the glass. He needed to get to the point of no thought soon. Anything to just have a few hours of peace from the stupid, irrational thoughts that were threatening to drag him down.

It was because of this the Head Detective didn't notice the world around him. He didn't notice the man watching him from one of the tables. The man that should have been paying attention to his wife, but couldn't drag his eyes away.

It was Buzz's birthday and his wife and friends decided on a night out since he didn't have work in the morning. He wasn't paying attention to their stories or games anymore. Not since he saw the black haired man at the bar.

Six months had passed since the older man had kicked him out of his house and nothing had changed. Well, that was a lie. The Head Detective was even shorter with Buzz than normal. That or he was completely ignoring the young man.

No matter what Buzz did it was never good enough or right to Carlton. That should have hurt him. Instead it made his heart soar knowing that the older man was simply doing everything he could to push him away. It meant he cared.

That had to mean that the Officer still had a chance with him. Even if the blue eyed man tried to hide it he wanted Buzz as much as he wanted Carlton. He just had to figure out a way to get Carlton to admit it and quit running away.

Still, there was a part of Buzz that wondered if going for Detective was the best plan. Ever since the older man kicked him out of his house he had been thinking of all the reasons they shouldn't be together. There was truly only one thing that bothered him and that was his wife. At least the idea of cheating on her once more.

For the first time he thought back on what his father said and realized he had been right. The Officer had been too young when he got married and it was coming to bite him in the ass. He had loved her though. Spending the rest of his life with the woman was all he had wanted to do when they were younger.

Don't get him wrong he still loved her and wanted her in his life. He was just realizing that he had never actually been _in love_ with her. She was his best friend and that was all. Somehow he had convinced himself that they could have more than that. It was a lie that she had fallen for. A lie he hated himself for.

Shaking his head Buzz drug his eyes away from his superior and to the woman. He waited for his heart to flutter or for his lips to smile without him forcing them but neither happened. He had lost something he had never truly had and he couldn't keep lying to himself now that he knew the truth.

A movement out of the corner of his eyes had the man looking back towards Carlton. The older man was stumbling his way through the restaurant and to the restroom. Making a quick decision Buzz excused himself and followed the man. In the back of his mind he knew that the other man was probably too drunk to remember the conversation in the morning but he had to say it none the less.

Going into the restroom the Officer quickly checked to see if they were alone before locking the door. Carlton walked out of a stall a moment later freezing when he saw the taller man. The pair stared at each other knowing one of them had to speak though neither wanted to start a fight.

"Stalking is illegal," Carlton growled going to the sink.

"Not stalking," Buzz denied, "Didn't know you were here until half an hour ago."

"Then why am I locked in here with you? Shouldn't you be having fun with your wife?"

The Detective sounded so bitter in that moment and Buzz knew it was because of the alcohol. He should turn around and save the conversation for a time when the man wasn't compromised. He couldn't will himself to do so though. He needed to get the words out before they swallowed him alive.

Opening his mouth Buzz tried to think of the right words only to get distracted by the older man's movements. When he walked through the restaurant Buzz had been sure that he was drunk. Now that he was closer though he could see just how in control the man was. He was going to remember everything.

"Carlton," Buzz started taking a step forward.

"I told you not to call me that," the Detective glared angrily.

"I don't want to argue with you about this. I don't actually want you to say anything, but I do need to say something."

The Detective stared at Buzz feeling the anger fad away and be replaced with concern. There was never a point in time where the younger man didn't ooze the kindness that Carlton had come to know. The idea that something had come along to take that away was devastating to even think about.

"I was a child when I got married," Buzz sighed as he started to explain himself, "I hadn't... I thought I had everything figured out. I thought that I knew what I wanted and nothing anyone said made me actually think. Everyone else knew that I was making a mistake, but I... I thought I was in love."

"You don't think you're in love anymore," Carlton muttered not looking at the other man.

"I was never in love. Not real love at least. She was my first girlfriend as an adult and everyone kept saying that we went together so perfectly. I didn't know... I let other people push me around until I thought their thoughts were my own."

The younger man stopped talking and stared into the mirror. Behind him he could see Carlton standing there looking so lost and confused. There was something under that though. An emotion that made his heart flutter as a warmth spread over his body. Turning around he took a deep breath before moving forward.

"That night with you made me realize something," Buzz said with a sad smile.

"What's that?" Carlton questioned, his voice barely over a whisper.

"I've been living my life the way others wanted me to. I haven't done something for me and me alone. Well, besides being a cop and spending the night with you. It was the best I had felt in years, Carlton."

The Head Detective looked at the ground letting the words sink in. He hadn't actually thought that someone like Buzz would be questioning their life choices as much as he was. He was always so happy that it made sense for him to know exactly what he wanted in life. Carlton had thought him lucky.

"I don't know what to do," Buzz said carding a hand through his hair, "I don't know how I could have let it get this out of control."

"McNabb," Carlton tried to start.

"I'm not talking to my superior officer, Carlton. I'm talking to the man I slept with."

"Once. We had sex once and you want to uproot your whole life."

"No, I want my life to be my own and to live it the way that I know will be for the best."

"And you think 'the best' involves me?"

"I think that I can't get you out of my mind. I think that every time I'm near you I want to touch you. I think that I don't know where this is going to go, but I want to find out. Can you honestly tell me you don't?"

Shaking his head Carlton opened his mouth to argue when someone attempted to open the door. Not wanting to cause more of a scene than they already had the older man turned and left the restroom. He knew he was simply running away from the situation, but it was getting harder to fight.

In his mind he knew that the best thing was to keep separate from the younger man, but that was also the last thing he wanted. The fact that the taller man continued to question and push the situation though. If he didn't back down then there was a large, possibility that he wouldn't bother fighting at all.

"You're not going to even listen to me, are you?" Buzz demanded walking up to Carlton.

"I'm drunk," Carlton muttered trying to wave down a cab.

"Not as drunk as you want to believe you are. You just want me to stop."

"Then do so."

"Okay, fine. I'll stop. With you, but I'm not done trying to figure this out. I just hoped I'd figure it out with you."

Feeling his emotions finally reach a boiling point the older man grabbed Buzz by the shirt and drug him down the street to the nearest alleyway. Pushing him into the dark he moved to the other side of the space so they weren't too close together. Neither of them needed to be tempted.

"What do you want from me?" Carlton growled angrily, "I'm giving you every chance to realize how wrong this whole thing is. I'm hoping you'll stop trying to destroy yourself."

"I already destroyed myself! The only thing I've ever wanted wanted was to be an officer of the law. That was what I dreamed of when I was younger. I didn't think of being married or having kids or any of that. I just wanted to be a cop."

"That's not how your life turned out."

"So my life can't change? I'm stuck because of one mistake?"

"You have a beautiful, loving wife. A career that you love, and a bright future. Your _mistake_ has left you with an amazing life."

"It can't be amazing when I hate every second! I can't force myself to be happy just because you feel the need to blame yourself for something that I did before we even met!"

Clenching his jaw the older man looked away not wanting to admit that Buzz might be right. Carlton was used to being the person that took the weight of the world even when he didn't have to. It was his job to be the leader and if something happened then it was his fault no matter who was at fault.

It wasn't just because of his job though. For his whole life he had made sure that he took the blame for everything whenever his friends or sister did something wrong as well. He was the oldest and he cared about them too much to let them be hurt because they had made a stupid decision or two.

"You deserve so much more than what I could ever give you," Carlton attempted his voice shaky.

"How do you know that?" Buzz questioned taking a step forward.

"Have you met me?"

Buzz stared at the older man before throwing his hands up in frustration. How one person could be so hard headed was beyond him. It was no wonder Carlton had basically isolated himself. He felt so poorly about himself that he thought he deserved to be alone. Not just that though. He thought that he was going to destroy anything and everything he touched.

"Have you?" Buzz whispered staring into blue eyes.

The older man looked up at the Officer not sure if he wanted to know what he was thinking. It had been so long since someone had ever actually tried to look past how he acted. He was just so used to being overlooked that now that someone was attempting to look at him he didn't want him to see anything.

Carlton knew who he was and he knew how people saw him. He had long gotten over how things were. It was safe. If people thought he was too scary or too focused on work than he didn't have to worry about them getting hurt. Why Buzz wasn't seeing that he would end up hurt if he kept pushing just made him want to protect him more.

Straightening his back once more the Head Detective got ready to leave the alley and man all together. He had to stop this and there was only one way he could do so. It wasn't going to be the nicest thing he had ever done, but it was for the best. At least he hoped he was making the right call about the whole thing.

"No," Buzz suddenly said shaking his head.

"What?" Carlton questioned glaring at the man.

"You're still trying to protect me and take the blame! How many times do I have to say this isn't your fault before you believe me?"

"It's the only thing that makes sense since you won't drop it."

"I won't drop it until you listen to me, Carlton!"

Hearing the younger man's yell echoed through the alley the older man froze. He never thought he'd hear the sweet, soft-spoken, and almost puppy like man raise his voice. Truthfully though he had found himself learning all types of new things about the man. It was as if he was finally showing who he was.

"Okay," Carlton nodded taking a step forward, "I'll listen."

"Yeah?" Buzz asked hopefully.

"If you listen to me."

The growing smile on the younger man's face dropped almost instantly. In a way he was getting exactly what he wanted, but it felt almost like a trap. He couldn't help wondering if this was the end of the beginning.

"We'll both talk?" Buzz repeated slowly.

"Yes," Carlton nodded crossing his arms, "I'm tired of having this fight every few months. This will be the last time."

"Forever?"

"Yes. If we can't figure something out then we never talk about it again. Can you deal with that?"

Buzz looked over the older mans body his mind running wild. This could be everything that he wanted. All he had to do was reach out and take it. Well, at the very least attempt to convince the other man that this would be worth it. He had to give the situation a chance.

"Can you deal?" Carlton said once more.

"Yes," Buzz agreed quickly, "I can. You won't regret it."

"I already regret this, McNabb. I just want this over and done with once and for all."

"You might change your might about this. About me."

"I doubt that. My place. Saturday. Seven p.m."

Before Buzz could say anything else the older man turned and left. It was weird and a little scary that their situation could be over, but the Officer couldn't help but look at the bright side. He just had to show that he knew exactly what he was doing and he had a little under a week to figure out exactly how to do so. He actually couldn't wait.


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I finally got around to writing this little piece of awesome! It took me awhile to write up, but I think you'll love it!
> 
> Warnings: Lots of sex between two men. Affair. Cheating. If you see something else that you want a warning for just tell me and I'll add it!
> 
> Special thanks to kendra42 for reading over this and correcting all of my mistakes!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories I'm going to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

When Saturday rolled around Buzz found himself sitting in his car outside Carlton's home. The clock read 5:30 so he knew he still had a while before they were supposed to meet up. Maybe by the time it was seven he would stop feeling as if he was going to throw up. That was the last thing that he needed Carlton to see him do.

It wasn't that he was concerned about his reasons. He still wanted nothing more than to have a real and true relationship with the older man. It might not work out for them in the end, but the idea of being with him was worth all the pain that possibly wouldn't even come to either of them.

No, the thing that had his stomach in knots was the idea that this could be the end. If he couldn't convince Carlton that their relationship was a good idea then it was over before it started. He couldn't let that happen. If only it was actually that simple a fix. A part of him wondered if it would be worth it if it was.

Things hadn't been easy in his life, but it had never truly been difficult either. Looking back on his life he realized he never truly had to work for the things that he wanted. At least he never had to work to the bone or sacrifice things that he had for things that he wanted. He had lead a fairly easy life. That was a good thing.

Until he ran into someone like Carlton. He had worked for everything he had. Something that had lead him to question when things started to go smoothly. It frustrated Buzz to no end, but it also made the man want Carlton more. He was everything that Buzz had come to respect and want in his life when he couldn't be it.

And that was something he was not. It wasn't a bad thing really. He had lead a different life than Carlton had. That was okay with him. He just wasn't sure that it was okay with the older man. It was as if he would never be able to see Buzz as anything more than a child no matter how hard he tried to break that thought process.

Maybe that was how he'd get the other man to take him seriously. He just had to start acting like he was an adult. That would be easy. Except he thought that he already acted like one. He had to do something though. There had to be someway to get the man to see him for who he was and not for who he thought he was.

Sighing the Officer let his head fall forward onto the steering wheel. It made no sense that he would feel this strongly about Carlton this early in their relationship. Which was a laughable thought. They weren't in a relationship. They were… They weren't much of anything just yet. He wanted them to be though.

A knock on the window caused Buzz to jerk up. He looked over and saw Carlton staring at him with a cocked eyebrow. Feeling his face flush the younger man climbed out of the car refusing to meet the blue eyes. They quietly made their way into the house and stopped in the living room. Carlton moved around the room before stopping in front of the Officer and handing him a glass.

Taking the drink Buzz fell onto the couch and downed it. A low chuckle slipped from the older man's lips as he sat down as well. Calmly he handed the man his own drink watching as he downed that one as well. It was a sight to see the man look so flustered. It would have been amusing if Carlton wasn't just as nervous.

"I'm sorry," Buzz started to speak.

"Shh," Carlton responded shaking his head, "I know what you were doing."

Buzz looked at the older man letting his eyes rake over his body for the first time. He sounded so calm and he looked the same, but now that he was truly looking he saw the slight shake in his body. It looked like the Detective was just as nervous as he was. That thought calmed him down a lot more than he thought it would.

The idea that Carlton was… What was he doing? The older man was so hard to read sometimes and now that he was trying to hide something it was as if things had just gotten worse. He didn't want Buzz to figure out how he was truly feeling about what was going on. All that did was fill Buzz with more hope. He might be able to do this.

"I like you, Carlton," Buzz whispered staring at the empty glass.

"You don't know me," the Detective easily protested.

"I know you're the most loyal man I've ever met. I know you work as hard as you can because having to inform a person that their loved one is dead breaks your heart. I know you keep candy in your desk for children that come in. I know there's three different stuffed animals in the trunk of your car along with a blanket.

"I know that you spend so much time getting paperwork perfect because the idea of a criminal getting off on a technicality would kill you. I know that you try your hardest to get the toughest, most gruesome cases not because you don't have faith in anyone else, but because you don't want them to have the nightmares you have."

Finally looking up Buzz found blue eyes staring at him in shock. He wasn't entirely sure what drove him to say everything he said, but he couldn't bring himself to regret it. Especially not when a calloused hand reached up to cup his cheek. It was just so wonderful to him. At least he hoped it was.

"I see you, Carlton," Buzz said before swallowing roughly, "I see you for everything that you are and everything you want to be. I just… I have to know if you see the me that no one else bothers to look at."

Slowly the hand fell away from the younger man's face and Carlton stood up. A sense of despair filled him as his mind whirled trying to figure out what was going on. Was it possible that he just spilled his heart out to a person that would throw it away? No, there was no chance that the older man was that kind of person. Right?

Feeling as if his heart was beating out of his chest Buzz stood up and moved so he was toe to toe with the Detective. For a moment the man refused to make eye contact. Then he looked up. When those blue eyes locked on his it felt as if someone had just punched him in the stomach. Someone his age should not be able to look that vulnerable and surprised at the same time.

Buzz found himself fighting every voice in his head that wanted him to pull the other man into a hug and kiss that look away. It wasn't going to help anyone if they fell into bed right then. No, he had to wait until they were both on the same page in what they wanted from their relationship before they got to that again. No matter how much they wanted it.

"I can't answer that," Carlton muttered after a pregnant pause.

"W-What?" Buzz questioned both hurt and confused.

"You have to understand, I have done everything in my power to make sure I don't notice you. I… I've noticed you since you first started at the precinct and I was drawn to you. The last thing I could do was let those thoughts come to the surface. They had to be hidden far away in the back of my mind where I don't look. It was the best for everyone."

Letting the words wash over him Buzz realized just how repressed the other man had forced himself to be. Buzz had no idea what had forced the other man to react as harshly as he did but he knew that it was something that had to be fixed. He wasn't going to allow someone as wonderful as Carlton to live his life in a shell.

"It's not what you wanted though," Buzz prompted gently, "Was it?"

"Of course it wasn't," Carlton practically sneered, "I had no choice."

"You do now. I'm giving you the choice. I know what I'm getting into with you. You know I do. All you need to do is figure out what you're getting into with me."

"If I start trying to answer that I might never stop."

Smiling gently Buzz bent down and pressed their lips together. He knew that it wasn't as if Carlton was just going to be completely open with him just like he knew that there was going to be a lot of fighting. He was willing to put up with that though. Carlton needed someone that was willing to see him for everything he was.

It was an odd thought, but now that he was thinking it Buzz couldn't believe that he was so blind. All this time he had thought that Carlton was trying to protect him, but that wasn't right. He was trying to protect himself and he didn't even see it. He had been painted as the bad guy so often in his life that he actually believed it.

That made almost no sense in the Officer's mind. Of course he understood that the other man was a hard person to read and that he put off a wave that said to leave him alone, but he was still good. How was it possible that no one else bothered to even try to look? Didn't they see everything that the man could be if someone cared?

Pulling away from the kiss Buzz ran a hand through his black hair. He was going to show Carlton everything that he could be. Everything they could be if the other man decided that he wanted to try something together. They could work together so well. Or that's what Buzz chose to believe. It was what he had to believe.

"I think that this could be good for both of us," Buzz offered with a smile, "A chance for me to get to know who I am and for you to get to know yourself again."

"You make it sound so easy," Carlton shook his head, "Like nothing else even matters."

"I'm not delusional. I know that there's a lot of things that could go wrong. I get that this… Whatever this is… Could end horribly for both of us. This could be the worst idea I've ever had, but I'm willing to try. Are you?"

Blue eyes stared up at the younger man looking overwhelmed. His tongue darted out to run over his lower lip as the eyes slowly traveled over Buzz's body. The younger man stood there knowing that this was it. Either he'd finally have what he wanted or he'd have to walk away without knowing what could have been.

"You've really thought this through," Carlton chuckled shaking his head, "Haven't you?"

"I have," Buzz nodded with a smile, "I know that it's a bit insane, but I want this."

"And you're willing to deal with the fallout when it comes?"

"Yes, Carlton, I've been thinking of this since the first time we kissed. You really need to get to know me like I know you."

Nodding his head the Head Detective took a few steps away. Buzz watched as the older man began to pace the room. One word. Just one little word and everything would fall into place with them. His nails dug into his palms as he thought about what could happen between them. No, he had to slow down so he didn't scare the man away.

"I can't..." Carlton started.

"Stop thinking about everything that could go wrong," Buzz practically pleaded, "Because if you focus on the bad that's the only thing you'll get. You'll ruin everything that could happen. Let yourself be happy for once without expecting the worst."

Laughing softly to himself Carlton ran a hand through his hair before falling onto the couch. Buzz sat on the edge of the coffee table facing the man that could soon be his lover. As much as he knew that the other man needed to think about what was happening he also knew that the last thing that would help either of them was him over-thinking everything.

With a gentle hand Buzz gripped the back of Carlton's neck and pulled him in close. He didn't try to place a kiss on the man's lips knowing that he had to be the one to do that. All he could do was offer the man everything that he could. Hope that Carlton wasn't going to throw away everything he was offering just because he was afraid.

Before Buzz could understand what was happening strong hands gripped his shoulders tightly and drug him forward. Straddling the older mans lap he let himself get lost in the feeling of Carlton underneath him. Though this time he knew that it wasn't him that was going to be in control of what they did.

Their moves held a frantic edge as they stripped each other. It had been so long since their first night. Though the only thing Buzz could think was that Carlton had it just as bad as he did. He was being driven out of his mind with want and lust. It was amazing to know he was doing that to the Detective as well.

Nails ran down the Officer's sweat slicked back as Carlton ravished his mouth. Gasping the taller man broke away from the kiss trying to catch his breath. That didn't seem to matter to the other man when his lips attached to Buzz's throat. Tossing his head back he threaded a hand through the black hair holding him tightly against him.

"Carlton," Buzz groaned trying to grind against the other man, "Please."

"Please what?" he whispered his tongue darting out to run over Buzz's Adam's apple, "You'll have to be specific or I might just..."

Instead of finishing his sentence Carlton simply pulled away. The Officer stared at the other man in poorly veiled arousal as a dark smirk took over his lips. Oh, it was not fair that the Detective could go from zero to sixty so quickly. Though Buzz couldn't help the shiver that ran down his spine thinking about how sexy the other man looked.

"Don't stop," Buzz pleaded his hips rocking on their own accord.

"Why not?" Carlton teased his fingertips gently dancing over his lovers abs, "Desperate is a good look on you."

Licking his lips the younger man took hold of Carlton's shoulders to balance himself before he began to rock his hips. For a moment both men stared into the others eyes wanting to see what the other would do. Calmly Carlton let himself relax against the couch the smirk never leaving his lips. He looked so damn good Buzz found that he didn't want to fight it.

Grinding down harder Buzz caught himself looking down at their laps. His mouth fell open in a silent gasp at the sight of their cocks begging for attention. Things had happened so quickly the first time he hadn't had the chance to take in everything that was Carlton. Now that he had the chance he wasn't going to pass up on the ability to explore every inch of the beautiful body.

One of his hands let go of the broad shoulders and traveled down his chest. A soft sound of appreciation slipped from his lips feeling the thick chest hair. Bending down Buzz pressed a gentle kiss to a nipple before feeling it pebble under his lips. He couldn't help himself but flick his tongue out to taste the flesh. Carlton didn't seem to mind based off the growl that rumbled through his body.

"Buzz," Carlton spoke carding a hand through the younger man's thick hair.

Climbing off of the man's lap Buzz slipped onto his knees. He heard Carlton suck in a breath as he nuzzled against the hard cock. Not being able to hold back anymore the Officer took the erection in his mouth. A moan slipped from his throat finally being able to taste his lover. It was one of the most addicting things that he had ever tasted and he knew that he'd never be able to get enough.

Lacking all the finesse that he normally had Buzz took as much of Carlton as he could. He needed to feel the older mans cum spill down his throat. To hear those sounds come from the man that he had been dreaming of. To feel those hands in his hair holding him in place as Carlton finally burst. To climb back in his lap and share that flavor with him.

Buzz's hand traveled to his own lap taking hold of his cock as he got lost in his fantasy. His hand was rough as he jerked off needing to push himself over the edge. A small part of him wanted to take it slow and savor finally getting the other man, but the thrill and the want were too powerful to ignore. They had the future to slow down and explore. Now was about lust.

Gasps and moans echoed through the room as Carlton was pulled closer and closer to completion. His hips gently rocked forward letting him know that the younger man had enough skill to not choke on him. There was so much that they were going to learn about the other. Neither of them could wait to finally give in to what they had wanted.

"Fuck, Buzz!" Carlton growled, his body going rigid as he spilled into the waiting mouth.

Swallowing as much as he could Buzz pulled back and let himself go. He threw his head back his mouth falling open as he spilled between them. Falling back on his knees the younger man tried to catch his breath as he watched the older man do the same. They sat there in silence before Carlton finally reached out to pull Buzz onto the couch and press a soft kiss to his lips.

A large smile came to Buzz's lips when he broke away from the kiss. Making himself smaller than he was he curled against the older man burying his head into his shoulder. He could feel Carlton hesitate before wrapping an arm around him. Buzz felt his heart speed up feeling lips press gently against the top of his head. He was so happy to know he had gotten past the other man's defenses.

"Carlton," Buzz whispered loving how the weight of his name felt on his tongue.

"Yes?" the older man questioned tensing slightly.

"Are you going to start freaking out again? I really don't want that to become something you do after every time we do this."

Sighing softly Carlton pulled Buzz away from him and moved them around so they were face to face. Blue eyes stared into brown before the younger man once again was pulled into a kiss. Letting his eyes slide shut Buzz cradled the back of Carlton's head letting his lover erase the thoughts from his mind. For the first time it was just a simple, innocent kiss.

"I'm not running away this time," Carlton muttered against his lips.

"Good," Buzz grinned standing up, "Come on."

Carlton let himself be pulled up and lead through his house. The couple was silent as they climbed into the older man's bed and faced each other. Buzz could see the question that was racing in Carlton's head and was worried that they'd have to continue trying to figure out everything that he truly didn't want to think about anymore. He just wanted to enjoy being held in the strong arms.

"Next Saturday," Carlton suddenly said.

"What?" Buzz asked confused.

"I'm not going to have this only be about sex. If we're doing this then we have to go on dates as well. Next Saturday I'll make dinner."

"We're not going out?"

"No. We can try later, but right now we'll stay in."

Nodding his head Buzz rested his head on Carlton's chest and shut his eyes. He knew that it was only the beginning and that they still had a lot of things that they had to figure out, but they finally had gotten to this point and he wasn't going to look back. Making waves was not something he liked to do, but he was ready. He'd deal with whatever came in his future. He had to.


	5. Chapter 5

Looking around the kitchen once more Carlton ran through everything he had to do for his date with Buzz. Oh, wasn't that a thought that made his heart pound in his chest. The Detective just wasn't sure if that was a good or bad thing.

He had spent so much time denying basically everything if he was to be honest. It just became too much to fight non-stop and have nothing to show for it. He wanted nothing more than to give himself a chance.

The fact that that chance came with Buzz at his side was a perk. Okay, so he knew that without the younger man he would never have even thought about doing something as insane as he was. And it was completely insane.

Wiping his sweaty palms against his pants he tried to steel his nerves knowing that it wouldn't take much to get him to call everything off. Buzz would be disappointed, but he might finally understand how messed up Carlton was.

A low sigh left his lips at that thought. It was times like this that he truly hated how his mind went to the worst place first and just stayed there. The worst thing very rarely happened, but he was scared of it nonetheless.

Carlton stood there for a second longer before he grabbed his keys and left the house. The weight of questions, that he already had the answers to, was crushing him. He could barely accept the truth that was right in front of him.

Though all that made him want to do was to see Buzz more. The other man knew that Carlton was fighting his natural response of not giving in to what he wanted. He knew what to say to get the older man to listen to him instead of the voice in his head.

Buzz could help quiet the fear that was constantly running through Carlton's mind. It was almost as if he knew that the man understood. What exactly he was supposed to understand was lost on the Detective, but the feeling stayed.

By the time he pulled into the parking lot of the store, he had reached to pick up his cell phone and call the night off four times. Every time though he was reminded that Buzz knew who he was and what he was getting into and still wanted to try.

It was enough for Carlton to want to at least find out what kind of man Buzz was. He owed the Officer that. Hell, he owed himself that. He wasn't going to throw in the towel before the ball was even rolling.

As he shopped Carlton found himself questioning everything he picked up. He hadn't been joking when he said that he didn't know anything about the other man. He had always forced himself to ignore him.

It took longer than he'd like to admit before he finally figured that steak, mashed potatoes, and a salad would be good for dinner. As for dessert he grabbed a store made pie and tried to avoid the knowing smirk of the cashier.

By the time he got back home he didn't really have the time to dwell on the fear and worry that was threatening to ruin the night anymore. An hour to get the food and himself ready didn't leave much time for anything else.

Just as he climbed out of the shower and wrapped a towel around his waist the doorbell rang. For a moment it felt as if the world had quit turning. He hadn't felt something like this since he was dating his wife.

Shaking his head Carlton made his way through the house and opened the front door. Buzz stood there with a bottle of wine in one hand and a smile on his lips. The smile fell away as his eyes traveled down the older man's chest.

It was then that he remembered that he was only in a towel. A dark blush came to Carlton's cheeks as he opened his mouth to explain what had happened only to be backed into the house the door shut tightly behind the couple.

Buzz placed the bottle down and reached out to run his hand over the exposed chest. A shiver ran through the older man feeling the icy fingers run across his heated flesh. The digits danced over his skin for a moment before Buzz took a step back.

"Sorry," the younger man spoke his voice low and filled with arousal, "You said you wanted to do this without it only being about sex. I just...You're so gorgeous."

The blush darkened on the older man and he found himself loosening the death grip he had on the towel. No one had ever looked at him the way Buzz was and it was doing things to his head and his body that he didn't want to fight.

Buzz was right though. The last thing he wanted was for their relationship to become only about sex. Though the idea of dropping to his knees and taking the other man's thick cock in his mouth had him wanting to push those thoughts aside.

"Carlton," Buzz cleared his throat looking away from his lover, "You should… Could you get dressed, please? I'm not sure how strong I can be."

Blue eyes blinked as the words sunk in. Him being in a towel was enough to cause the younger man to have issues with control? That was not something that he ever thought that he would have to think about. He wasn't that kind of man.

Without thinking Carlton took a step forward letting the towel fall to the ground. Buzz's eyes widened slightly his hands moving to the older mans hips and pulling him closer so he could feel the heat coming off the Officer.

Leaning up the older man gripped the back of his lover's neck and brought him into a kiss. Buzz moaned softly his eyes slipping shut and getting lost in the kiss. So sweet and innocent. Something that broke Carlton's heart as much as it healed it.

Pulling away from the kiss the Detective picked up the towel and made his way into his bedroom. He dressed quickly not wanting to leave the younger man alone for too long. Not wanting to be alone for too long himself.

By the time he got back into the living room the taller man was looking around the room. He'd run his fingers over a few book spines a curious smile on his face before he moved onto something else. It was rather cute to watch.

"Dinner will be ready soon," Carlton spoke from the doorway.

"Okay," Buzz nodded turning to face the other man, "Is that wine good? I didn't… I don't know much about wine."

"It's good. Come into the kitchen I'll pour us a glass."

The Officer followed him into the kitchen quietly. For a moment the couple was completely quiet. Though, for the first time, the silence wasn't awkward. It was simply two men enjoying the company of each other.

It suddenly occurred to Carlton that he had been making everything harder than need be. He was so used to being in control that Buzz had thrown him for a loop. Now that he stopped thinking everything was working out better than he could have expected.

Sitting at the kitchen table the men began to talk about work. It was a safe conversation and Carlton knew that if anyone was going to understand how important his work was to him then it was going to be someone who dealt with it as well.

All too soon though the conversation took a turn to the more personal side. It was nothing more than them talking about their families, but it felt like so much more since Carlton hadn't had a date in so long.

"You're joking?" Buzz questioned as Carlton put their dinner in front of him, "Your sister said that?"

"And more," Carlton nodded in faux-seriousness, "It didn't go over well with her teacher if you can imagine."

"What did your family do?"

"They never found out."

"What?"

"My sister was my responsibility. If something happened to her I dealt with it. Anyway, she needed a firm hand. Something my Mother never was."

A strong hand reached out to take hold of Carlton's. Looking into the other man's eyes he saw an odd mixture of sadness and sympathy. It had been so long since anyone had bothered to look at him like that.

That was something that he had found himself repeating a lot since Buzz and this thing started. Was his life truly that pathetic that something as simple as a little kindness threw him off his game so much?

Swallowing roughly the older man turned his hand over and locked their fingers together. He knew that if he looked over at his lover that he'd be met with a look of surprise. No one ever expected him to be as tactile as he was.

Buzz didn't seem to have a problem with it, Carlton thought, when the man squeezed his hand back gently. Neither man let go of the other until Carlton had to stand up and serve the pie he had bought.

"That was probably the best meal I've had in a while," Buzz moaned putting his fork down.

"Your wife doesn't..." Carlton started only to trail off hesitantly.

"Our schedules don't work out a lot. She's used to only making meals for herself."

There was an air of sadness that came with what the younger man was saying. It was something that Carlton had said a few times himself when he had been married. He hated knowing Buzz was dealing with it now too.

"That's okay though," Buzz suddenly continued with a smile, "I've gotten good at cooking for myself. I'm just back with getting steaks cooked medium rare."

"I'm a meat and potato guy," Carlton shrugged putting the dishes in the sink, "Steak and salmon are all I know how to cook."

"Maybe next time I'll cook for you?"

Looking up Carlton saw just how nervous and hopeful the other man looked. In that moment, Carlton knew that whatever he said would make or break their relationship. There was no reason to go beyond a single date if he wasn't comfortable in doing so.

The truth though was that the older man was enjoying himself. For all the fears that he had concerning Buzz all of them had been thrown in his face. There wasn't anything, besides his marriage, that he could truly put up a fight about anymore.

Instead of answering the younger man's question Carlton grabbed both of their glasses of wine and made his way into the living room. He could hear Buzz hesitate for a second before following him at a more subdued pace.

Carlton knew that he was torturing his lover by basically ignoring him, but he needed to make sure he had the right answer. He couldn't jump into anything if there was a chance that one of them thought their relationship was more or less than the other.

Sitting on the couch the older man waited until his lover was next to him to hand over the glass. Buzz calmly put the wine of the coffee table and stared into the blue eyes. It was so odd seeing the normally goofy man be so firm and unmoving.

Still, there was a brilliant light in those gorgeous eyes that drew Carlton in. Buzz was the man that he had always been drawn to, but he had pushed that away for so long thinking that it was the last thing he deserved.

Now the beautiful young man was sitting in front of him offering more than he could have ever imagined. A part of him was sure that this was all a dream or a practical joke that was being played on him.

The voice in the back of his head was telling him to run away. There was no way that anyone would be stupid enough to take a chance on someone as broken as him. There had to be something else going on that he didn't know about.

Shaking his head to clear the thoughts Carlton found himself putting his glass down as well. There was a reason that he had been alone for so long. It was better for everyone if they simply left him alone. It had always worked in the past.

Before the Detective could get any further lost in his thoughts a slightly calloused hand moved to cradle the side of his face. He allowed it to direct him until he was staring into Buzz's eyes. Once their eyes were locked together the hand let go.

"Sorry," Buzz blushed gently, "You looked like your thoughts had taken a turn for the worst."

"They had," Carlton replied with a shrug, "I'm trying to understand all of this."

"Is it really hard to believe that I like you?"

"Yes."

Carlton hadn't meant to say it as bluntly as he did, but he didn't see the point in lying. The look of sadness that filled Buzz's eyes made him wonder if he should have spared the younger man from knowing what was in his head.

"I'm sorry," the Officer whispered looking away.

"It's fine," Carlton responded having long since gotten used to lying.

The older man found himself looking away from Buzz when he said that hoping he wouldn't call him on the lie. When the strong hand moved to the side of his face once more he knew that he was caught. Buzz didn't talk though. He simply pulled the man into a kiss.

Carlton sighed softly threading a hand through the black hair. Their lips worked together slowly letting the passion build as they moved closer together. It wasn't long until Buzz was straddling his lover's lap their tongues mapping out each other's mouth.

Breaking the kiss Carlton took Buzz's hand in his own and moved them so they were standing up. The older man lead them into his bedroom and shut the door behind them. He might have said he didn't want their relationship to only be about sex, but this was different.

As much as Carlton was trying to understand what he was feeling he knew that the only thing he'd regret was if he walked away. When it came down to Buzz though he had no idea what he was going for in the end, but he was risking everything. That was enough.

Letting his hands trail over the younger man's body Carlton pushed his shirt up and dropped it to the floor. For the first time since they started the only thing he wanted to do was take things slow and explore his lover.

Buzz seemed to understand what the Detective needed because he let himself be stripped without a word. Moving so they were pressed together Carlton pressed his lips to the other man's chest kissing it softly his hands curling tightly around his hips.

His tongue darted out to lick at the man's pecs his tongue gathering the sweat before he moved lower. Despite the fact that he had seen the younger man naked before it was still a sight to see the well-muscled body in front of him.

Groaning against the man's abs he reached a hand down and took hold of the impressive erection. His mind thought back to what it was like having it thrust into him. He couldn't wait to feel that again, but that wasn't what he wanted at that moment.

No, he needed to feel his own cock surrounded by Buzz. Something he had been dreaming about since their last night together. By the way his lover was panting as his body shook with need, he was for whatever Carlton had in mind.

Even with the thought of finally being inside of his lover Carlton found himself unable to resist leaning down and taking the thick cock in his mouth. Above him a low gasp fell from Buzz his hand coming down to tangle in the Detective's hair.

"You're… You're really good at that," Buzz ground out his hips itching to thrust into the warm heat, "You...Umm...You like having something in your mouth?"

Hearing the stutter in the other man's voice Carlton couldn't help but feel his dick twitch pleasantly. He knew exactly what the younger man was planning. He wanted to explore everything that came with liking to suck someone off as much as Carlton did.

They had time for that though. Moving his hand to Buzz's backside he let his finger slowly travel over his hole. A cut off moan fell from the man above him before strong hands curled around his shoulders and pulled him up so they were face to face.

Buzz pulled him into an almost desperate kiss their tongues and teeth playing a bigger part than truly necessary. That did nothing to stop the men from falling onto the bed attempting to strip Carlton as fast as possible.

"Wanted to go slow," Carlton growled throwing his belt to the side, "Wanted to search your body and find out every last thing that made you tick before making you beg for my cock in you."

"Oh," Buzz groaned his nails digging into the pale flesh of his lovers back, "Can still do that. Later. Need you to fuck me now. Please, Carlton, fill me."

Growling softly at the plea Carlton reached into his nightstand and pulled out a tube of lube and a condom. His body was practically vibrating with lust as he pushed a pillow under his lover's hips and covered his fingers in lube.

Licking his lips Carlton took a deep breath to calm himself down before pressing his finger into the willing body. Buzz made a soft gasp his eyes rolling in the back of his head. The sight itself made Carlton want all the more.

Slowly adding a second then a third finger into Buzz he found himself grinding against the bed without thought. Whimpering in the back of his throat Carlton watched as the younger man fucked himself on his fingers with earnest.

Carlton pulled his fingers from his lover's body before putting the condom on with shaky hands. His mind screamed at him to be careful though all he wanted to do was use the body below his in the best way.

It didn't seem to bother Buzz either as the younger man wrapped a leg around his waist and pulled him in. Something in Carlton snapped at that and he found himself thrusting roughly into his lover's body causing the bed to hit the wall.

The pace was fast and brutal just on this side of painful. The noises that fell from both men were drowned out by the sound of their bodies slapping together over and over. It was absolutely perfect to both of them.

Reaching between them Carlton took hold of Buzz's weeping cock and started to stroke in time with his thrusts. It didn't take more than that to push the younger man over the edge with a scream dragging Carlton with him.

Falling to the side the Detective slipped the condom off and threw it away before settling comfortably onto the bed. The men laid there silently trying to catch their breath until Buzz moved so he was sitting up and staring down at the other man.

"Hey," Buzz smiled happily.

"Hello," Carlton replied with a smile.

"Every Saturday. You and me. Dinner. Movies. I don't care, just tell me every Saturday is for us. Unless we're working."

"Your wife..."

"I'll handle her. she's my problem and I'll fix that later. Right now I just want to know that you and I are together. Really truly together."

"I won't call you my boyfriend."

"Oh...I thought..."

"But I will call you my lover and yes, Saturday is for us."


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last two chapters are not beta-ed so I hope I didn't mess up too much!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.

Buzz took a shaky breath as the bedroom door slammed shut. Falling onto the couch he buried his face in his hands trying his hardest not to let the tears fall. The fight wasn't over and he wasn't going to let himself fall apart just yet.

That did nothing to stop the guilt that had been slowly eating away at him. The last thing that he had wanted to do was hurt his wife as much as he was. He had known that it was going to end this way though.

Carlton had told him time and time again that no matter how it was said she was going to end up getting hurt. Buzz had come to terms with that, but he never thought it was going to be as bad as it was.

His breath caught in his chest at that thought. Buzz could admit that he had never truly been 'in love' with Francine, but that dint' meant that he didn't love her. She was his best friend and had been for years.

That was why he had asked her to marry him. She was...She was safe. She made him laugh and knew how to make him feel better after a long day. She knew him inside out and still staying by him through it all.

He had thought that that meant love. Now that he stopped to think about it he realized just how stupid and childish he had been. After two years of marriage and he finally knew what love was. It just wasn't with the right person.

He had fallen head over heals in love with Carlton. Something that had started long before they started their affair. It was the main reason that he kept going back for more even then the older man tried to push him away.

Before Buzz could think any further he heard the door once more. Looking up he saw tears streaming down his best friends face and felt something in him break. A sob escaped his throat as his body started to shake.

In the back of his mind he knew that he couldn't bring himself to regret being with Carlton. Four months of having a true relationship with the older man and he was more than happy than he could ever remember being.

Saturday's had become his favorite day for the fact that they almost got to spend them together. They had to be careful not to be seen, but they always had a wonderful time together. He loved that time more than anything.

Then they'd get back to Carlton's place to have drinks. Hours upon hours were spent talking about everything under the sun and for the first time it felt as if someone truly understood what he was saying even when he didn't say it.

Though there were nights where not a word was spoken. Both men would curl up on Carlton's couch either working on a case or reading a book or watching TV. Hell, there were times when they were simply lying together.

Of course, there were also times where the second the door was closed they were on one another. Their hands tearing at each others clothes needing to feel the other pressed against them. Needing to know they weren't as alone as they thought.

Other times they would go slow trying to find everything that made the other moan in pleasure. They'd take their time for the sheer fact that they both enjoyed everything that came with being able to simply explore the others body.

After that they'd fall asleep together. Sometimes Buzz would end up with his head on Carlton's chest. Strong hands held him completely safe from the rest of the world while his heartbeat would lull him into a peaceful sleep.

Sometimes Carlton was the one curling around Buzz. Those were the nights Buzz loved the most. The older man actually trusted him enough to look after him when they were sleeping. It was amazing.

When their relationship started Buzz hadn't know what to expect. He knew that he was physically attracted to Carlton, but he never thought beyond a few dreams that he had no real control over.

Then he saw Carlton practically falling over from exhaustion. The last thing he had thought would happen was them having sex, but he couldn't leave the older man to deal with it alone. That wasn't who he was.

Carlton had needed help. Truthfully, Buzz knew that he had needed help long before that. It just happened to be the first time that the older man hadn't really been able to push away the help Buzz was offering.

It wasn't Buzz's proudest moment when they kissed, but he hadn't backed down. He had wanted to know what Carlton felt like outside of a dream. Because of that he didn't try to stop anything.

Their first night together should have been the end of it. He should have walked away like the other man did. He should have felt guilty for cheating on the woman that he loved, but all he wanted was to fall into bed with his superior once more.

"I'm sorry," Buzz gasped between sobs, "I'm so sorry."

"Oh, Sweetie," Francine said sitting on the couch and pulling him into a hug.

"I shouldn't have… I should have just… I'm a horrible person."

"You're not going to hear me argue with you on that right now. I think you're actually a lot worse than horrible."

Looking up at the woman Buzz saw her brown eyes were red and puffy. Her normally perfect make-up streaked down her face. He had never seen her look like that and the only person that was to blame was himself.

"Francine," Buzz stared at the woman as she wiped the tears away, "I never should have..."

"Cheated on me," the woman attempted to fill in.

"Asked you to marry me."

The woman pulled away as if she'd been shocked. Buzz hated himself for having to hurt her even more. He had to tell her the truth though. She needed to know that everything that was happening started long ago.

Taking a deep breath Buzz took his friends hands in his own. He could actually see her heart breaking in her eyes. She was right. He was so much worse than a horrible person. So, so much worse than a horrible person.

"Buzz," Francine prompted fear clear in her voice.

"Everyone knew we were making a mistake," Buzz shook his head.

"You… You fought. Every single time you fought. You yelled, kicked, screamed every single time!"

Francine jumped up from the couch and took a few steps away. He could see her body shaking slightly so he stood up. He wasn't sure if she was crying of if she was simply was just that upset with him.

Stepping towards her Buzz reached out to rest a hand on her shoulder only to have her whip around and smacked him across the face. More shocked than anything else the Officer fell back onto the couch.

Raising his hand to his face Buzz felt something wet on his fingertips. He pulled his hand back only to see blood on it. His eyes were wide at the sight, but he couldn't blame the woman for doing so. He deserved it.

Francine's eyes were just as wide when she saw the blood. She opened her mouth to say something only to stop. Maybe she was about to apologize, but he was truly glad that she ended up trailing off instead.

"You..." the woman started before taking a deep breath, "You son of a bitch!"

"Francine!" Buzz gasped never having heard the woman cuss before.

"Can you actually say I'm wrong? You're the one that pushed for it until even I thought it was a good idea!"

"You don't want to marry me? Why didn't you say anything before now?"

"Of course I wanted to marry you, Buzz. I just… I thought we were moving too quickly. We were… We are so young. We were each others first loves."

"Why did you say yes then? If you had so many doubts about us why would you say yes to me?"

"Because I love you!"

All of the woman's energy seemed to drain out of Francine at her scream. Buzz caught her before she could hit the floor holding tightly even as her fists beat at his chest trying to get away from him.

It didn't take long before the fists unfurled and moved so they were clinging to Buzz's shirt. The couple sat on the ground trying to get a hold on their emotions knowing they weren't done talking just yet.

"I love you," Francine whispered almost desperately.

"I love you too," Buzz replied instantly, "Just… Just not the way I should."

"I don't understand how this happened. What did I do wrong? What did I do that pushed you into the arms of another person?"

Grabbing the woman's face Buzz forced her to look at him. She looked so lost and confused as she tried to understand all that he had thrown at her. It hurt more than anything to think that she was convinced it was her fault.

"Listen to me, Francine," Buzz spoke his voice firm, "You did nothing wrong. You are not to blame and you are not the reason why I did this."

"Then why?"

"Because I was young and stupid. I thought that I had the world figured out and there was nothing anyone could have said that would have told me anything different."

"You… You married me because you wanted to prove people wrong?"

"No! No. I asked you to marry me because I thought I was in love with you. I didn't listen to people telling me to take things slowly and figure everything out."

"But you… You loved me?"

"I was never 'in love' with you though. No matter how much I love you I just… It wasn't enough."

Francine shook her head before standing up and making her way towards the front door. Buzz watched as she warred with herself before turning back to him. He sat there for a moment wondering what to do next.

"You're in love now?" Francine asked not knowing if she wanted to know the truth.

"Maybe," Buzz nodded running a hand through his hair, "I don't know."

"How is this any different than what you did to me then? Are you just going to get bored with them too?"

"I won't."

"How do you know that? How do you know you won't break their heart too?"

Staring at his friend Buzz wondered how he was supposed to explain what he felt for Carlton. He knew that she was only looking out for him and her and probably for Carlton. Even if she didn't want to admit it. Of course, she was a good person.

It was different though. Not because he was a man or because Buzz was older now. It wasn't because Buzz was trying to go slow this time It wasn't even because Carlton knew the worst part of Buzz and this situation was truly the wost in him.

The more he thought about it the more he realized that the answer was easy. It was what he wanted. He wasn't doing anything for anyone or because anyone thought it was a good idea. It was all for himself and Carlton. It was so freeing.

In the back of his mind Buzz knew that it wasn't a good enough reason to be doing everything he was. It was the only reason that he had though. For the first time he was simply doing something for the sake of doing it instead of thinking about his future.

"Buzz?" Francine called trying to get his attention.

"Sorry," Buzz shook his head trying to focus again, "I was thinking."

"About which excuse you're going to use?"

"Of course not! I was thinking about not having to be someone I'm not anymore."

"And who are you?"

"I have no idea. Francine, can you honestly tell me that you're happy? That this is what you wanted to be? Who you used to dream of being as a child?"

"Well, no, not exactly, but plans change. You just follow..."

"Your heart? I got lost. Somewhere I got lost and I convinced myself that I wasn't. That this was what I wanted."

Tears had begun to streak down her face once more causing Buzz to sigh. He knew that telling his wife about the affair was the right thing to do, but maybe he should have let her simply believe that he was a complete bastard.

With every word that he spoke he could see her heart break more and more. He was simply trying to explain everything to her. Instead he was making everything worse and probably making it all the worse for her.

"Maybe I shouldn't have..." Buzz shook his head standing up.

"I deserve to know the truth if you're going to throw everything that we have away," Francine demanded with a glare her arms crossing over her chest, "You will explain to me that you won't do this to another person!"

"I can't. I don't even know if I'm going to do this again. I promise you that this is the last thing that I want to do. I think… I think I'm falling in love with him."

"More than you love me?"

Shaking his head Buzz reached out for the woman before pulling away. It wasn't his right to comfort her anymore. As much as he wanted to be friends with her he knew that it was a complete delusion.

"I think it's a different type of love. I thought that I was in love with you, but I'm… I'm realizing that I might have mistaken the love of friendship with being 'in love'."

"Buzz," Francine sighed before stopping.

"Please, continue. Yell at me, hit me, cuss me out if you need to, but don't blame yourself. I did this to myself and I drug you down with me."

"I don't want to yell or hit you. Right now… Right now I want you to grab your things and get out of my home."

"I… Okay, I can do that."

Taking a deep breath Buzz walked through the house and began to grab things that held a special place with him or he would need for the rest of the week. Coming back might not be an option for awhile.

By the time his bag was packed and he was in his car his heart was pounding and his eyes burned with tears. Without thinking Buzz ended up driving to Carlton's place and sitting outside in the car.

For a moment he wasn't sure if he had come to the right place. He can Carlton weren't completely firm in their relationship just yet. Then he saw the door open. Taking a deep breath Buzz got out of his car and walked up to his love with shaky legs.

"Let's go to bed," Carlton whispered taking the younger man's bag.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> These last two chapters are not beta-ed so I hope I didn't mess up too much!
> 
> If you want to be kept up to date with new redos on stories or want to know more about stories to be starting soon please follow me at Facebook under SilverMidnight52! I own nothing.
> 
> And the story is over! I might come back and add more to it at some point in time, but as of right now it's over! I hope you all like it!

The blue-eyed man watched his lover as he awkwardly answered question after question about his lack of wedding ring. Well, he watched Buzz lie and stretch the truth about what had caused his upcoming divorce.

It had been two weeks since Buzz showed up at his door with his bags tears streaming down his face. That two weeks ended up being quite horrible for the both of them. And this was just the beginning.

Buzz wasn't acting like himself and Carlton felt like kicking himself for not realizing this would happen. He was too good of a person to be able to deal with the aftermath of what they had done.

Carlton's world had fallen apart when he was given the divorce papers and there were times when it still felt that way. That's not to say he wasn't over Victoria, but he had been in love her for so long.

The divorce had truly felt as if a part of his soul had been ripped out and the only thing he could think was that it was all his fault. He had driven the woman away because he had been so focused on his work.

It was difficult to admit, even to himself, that sometimes things didn't work out. He wanted to think that someone was to blame. That way there was some way to fix what ever it was that had fallen apart.

With him and Victoria it was simple. He was a dedicated police officer and that was not something she could deal with. The only solution would have been him leaving his job. Both of them knew that would never happen.

As had as it was it was best for them to split up. If they didn't then they'd both be miserable. The last thing that either of them would have wanted was to destroy the other because they were hurting.

He and Victoria had very much been in love. Buzz and Francine, on the other hand, were a different story. She had been in love with Buzz while he… He hadn't actually known what he was doing.

It was odd, but almost as if Buzz had both grown up too quickly and not grown up at all. Buzz had wanted to be an adult so badly that he had skipped a few steps ahead and missed some important lessons.

That was coming to bite him in the ass now. It made Carlton wonder if it wouldn't be for the best to take a step back and let the other man simply discover the world and himself outside of a relationship.

Then the older man thought that it was all his fault. Especially if he walked away. He would have caused the couple to break up and two hearts would have been broken. There was no reason for that.

That wasn't the only reason that he didn't want to walk away though. It was odd to think after all the time of pretending not to feel that it was in his heart again, but with each passing day with the other man it grew truer.

Carlton was beginning to fall in love with Buzz. Which was something that was scarier than anything that he had ever faced down. He couldn't run away from it though. He wanted it too much to do so.

Looking down at the clock he saw that it was around dinner time. He wouldn't have paid attention to that normally, but he had missed both breakfast and lunch. He was starving and people were avoiding him more than normal.

Grabbing his coat Carlton made his way down to the file room promising himself that after he was done he'd get food. Just a few more minutes. Maybe it could wait until he got home? That wasn't much time left on his shift.

Before he could think any further about it the door slammed behind him. He attempted to spin around to see what was happening only to be pushed into the cabinet. His mouth fell open in a gasp feeling a body pressed against him.

Instantly he knew that it was Buzz, but that knowledge made his heart speed up even more than before. Two weeks of no real touching was taking a toll on him. Especially knowing they shared the same bed.

Feeling the younger man rubbing slowly against him Carlton spun around so they were face to face. A soft, loving smile was on Buzz's lips as he reached up to straighten his lovers tie before stepping back.

"Buzz," Carlton said his voice firm, "We're at work."

"I know," Buzz agreed with a nod his hands still rubbing his chest, "I just… I saw you leave and you looked so sad. I wanted to make sure you're okay."

"I'm not the one that is being questioned about their divorce. Again."

Buzz shrugged slightly looking at the ground before clearing his throat. As odd as it sounded the two men had yet to talk about what had happened and how it changed things. It wasn't going to be a fun conversation.

"Can we..." Buzz tried to start.

"I still have two more hours before I can leave," Carlton shook his head.

"I know. I don't. I was thinking that I could go home… I mean, go to your house and make dinner. We could talk or something when you get off work?"

A thrill ran down Carlton's spine hearing Buzz accidentally refer to his house as home. It should be too soon for that in their relationship, especially with how up in the air everything was, but it was still a wonderful thing to hear.

Knowing that they didn't have much longer before someone came down Carlton leaned forward and pressed a kiss to the younger man's lips. It wasn't more than a peck, but he hoped it conveyed at least part of what he was feeling.

He pulled back almost instantly and looked at his lover. Buzz's eyes were shut, but there was a small smile on his lips. For a moment they were simply content to be standing there together. Carlton hoped that lasted.

"I should..." Buzz and Carlton spoke at the same time.

"I'm going to go start dinner," Buzz continued when Carlton motioned to him, "I'll see you soon."

The younger man offered one last smile before turning and leaving the room without another word. Carlton stood there a second longer trying to push his lover from his thoughts. He had a job to do and he had to be focused to do it.

By the time he got back to his desk Carlton was hoping that time would move faster. It was so odd to want to go home one time. To have a reason to go home. It had been so long since he had a reason to do much of anything.

That was part of the problem with everything that came with a new relationship. It made him want things that he wasn't sure he was completely ready for just yet; let alone things he was actually deserving of.

He wanted to turn and run away from everything. Take Buzz along with him to make sure that nothing bad happened to either of them. They'd be safe from whatever it was that happened to come across them.

It was a stupid thought to have. Both he and Buzz were trained police officers that knew how to take care of themselves. They had also pledged to lay down their lives to keep the rest of the world safe for civilians.

Carlton found himself wondering if this was what Victoria felt whenever he had left the house. It was a wonder that she had lasted as long as she had. Actually, it was a wonder any cop was married at all.

Shaking his head to knock the thoughts away Carlton looked at the clock on his computer. It was a few minutes past his normal leaving time. Sighing he saved whatever he needed to and left to go home.

By the time he got back to his house he felt like all he wanted to do was climb into bed and sleep. There was a warm dinner on the table though. He couldn't just walk away from that and waste all of Buzz's hard work.

"Hey," Buzz greeted with Carlton walked through to the kitchen.

"Hello," Carlton said back with a nod of his head.

"You look exhausted. Did something happen after I left?"

"No, I got caught up thinking."

The younger man nodded his head in understanding motioning towards the table. Seeing the food already set out for them Carlton sat down at the table. The men sat there silently for a moment before Buzz cleared his throat.

"I'm sorry," Buzz offered staring at his plate.

"For what?" Carlton questioned in confusion.

"For making a difficult situation even worse. I know this was hard to begin with before I told Francine. Now, though it is even worse."

Seeing how sad the younger man looked Carlton reached out and linked their hands together. Buzz looked so surprised that the older man felt his heart clench angrily. He never wanted to see that look in his eyes.

Ignoring the food Carlton stood up and forced Buzz to do the same before pulling him into his arms. Once they were standing he brought his young lover into a kiss hoping to drive away at least some of his worry.

A slightly calloused hand threaded through his hair holding him tightly as a tongue traced across his lips. Not wanting to fight it he opened his lips anchoring himself down by taking hold of the younger man's hips.

The kiss was slow and loving. Both men simply enjoying the feel of the other man. It was the type of kiss that lead to so much more, but for once Carlton truly didn't want to go any further. A simple little make-out session was all he really wanted right then.

Their tongues worked together drawing soft moans from them both. Carlton reached up and cradled the younger man's jaw. Pulling away Buzz ran his hands over Carlton's chest his own chest heaving as he tried to catch his breath once more.

"I missed that," Buzz muttered licking his lips.

"It's been awhile," Carlton agreed with a nod of his head his eyes darting over his lover, "It's fine. You needed time."

"What if I don't need anymore time? What if I'm finally figuring out that I'm where I want to be?"

The hazel eyes stared into blue hope shining bright in them. It brought a smile to Carlton's lips loving how wonderful Buzz looked. The fact that he was the person that was the cause behind that look made his heart soar.

"And where is that?" Carlton asked needing to know if they were on the same page.

"I was hoping right here would be a good place," Buzz offered with a blush, "I think that I could really be happy here."

"Could you? How do you know?"

Buzz stared into his lovers eyes knowing that his words weren't meant to hurt him. Carlton needed a reason to believe that they were doing all of this for their good. That in the end things were going to end up better than when they started.

"I know that this seems too soon," Buzz shrugged slightly, "But you do make me happy. Happier than I can ever remember. I think I'm actually starting to fall in love with you."

"You haven't even signed your divorce papers," Carlton countered not sure if he was ready to hear those words.

"It's different with you."

"How so? Buzz, this isn't..."

Buzz pulled Carlton into a kiss pouring everything he was into it. Words had never been enough to convince Carlton, but he needed to know that the younger man knew that he was telling the truth. He had to make him believe.

"You can do something that Francine… That no one has ever been able to do," Buzz spoke pulling away.

"And what's that?" Carlton asked softly.

"You can… Carlton, you could break my heart if you just turned away. That has never happened before. I always felt as if I was holding back in some way and I never knew why. Now I know. I was never in love with them. Not the way that I am with you."

Hearing the truth and yearning in the younger man's voice Carlton pulled Buzz into a hug. His heart pounded in his chest trying to figure out if the words were true. Oh, how he wished that the words were true.

Carlton could feel his lover shaking against him. His nails dug into the Detective's shirt holding him tightly against him. It was as if he was afraid that now that Carlton knew the truth he would reject him.

"Buzz," Carlton soothed rubbing his lover's back.

"Sorry," Buzz cleared his throat, "I've… I've been thinking about this for awhile. Since I came here. It's why I've been sort of distance. I needed to see if this was just for the sex and I know now that it's not."

"You figured all of that out in just two weeks?"

"I knew that I had to figure out the answer. The last thing I wanted was to have a repeat of what happened before. I want this to work out."

Nodding his head Carlton linked their hands together and stared at them. Buzz had obviously spent as much time thinking about their relationship as he had. It was a good thing to know that he was taking things seriously.

"There is a possibility that I'm falling for you as well," Carlton supplied after a pregnant pause.

"You are?" Buzz questioned with a wide grin.

"I am. I want to see where this goes, but..."

Before Carlton could finish his sentence strong arms pulled him close the other man's lips descending on his own. Gasping the older man latched tightly onto his lover and let himself get lost in the kiss.

"I hope that you believe me," Buzz muttered against his lover's lips, "Please tell me you believe me. That you're not going to walk away."

"I'm not," Carlton shook his head, "But it won't be easy for you."

"I don't care. I just want to know that this is it. We're in this together."

Smiling gently Carlton pressed their lips together once more before sitting at the table. The men ate the rest of their dinner in peace knowing that that might change at any moment. Now was simply a time to enjoy what they had discovered.


End file.
